Interns….. we’ve all seen them, wandering around the office in ill-fitting trousers, trying to look important while Googling what “CC” stands for in an email. But what actually is an intern? Are they the future of work or just the unpaid ghosts of corporate capitalism?
To uncover the answer, I interviewed an intern at Titan Business Innovation, a recruitment company currently transforming lives (one resume at a time).
Let’s meet Isaiah…… he’s American (he is very loud), he plays offense in college football, works in recruitment, and may not be aware that a significant portion of his role involves developing proficiency in Google Sheets. At Titan, Isaiah has many names… Trevor Noah, Mahomes and most notably Brady because of his love for American football.
The Start of Greatness, or at Least Level Two
To get the American into a place of comfort and take his boots off. We started off the interview with a kindergarten style question of what he does, but of course like most sketchy hollywood directors he gave a completely different answer.
“I started at level zero. Now I’m a level two boss. Out of 100.”
Whilst, Level 2 out of 100 may not be the most inspiring description of his experience. Isaiah has shown a great appreciation to learning new skills and roles under our superb Business Innovation team. Becoming an intern at such a precious company may seem daunting at first but with the right guidance and right environment anyone can shine. Titan Consulting is the right place for anyone with enough work ethic and can-do attitude to thrive.
Isaiah began his journey shortlisting people for jobs he himself would never get and calling strangers who wish he hadn’t. “Cold calling,” he says. Which is apparently like calling, but with a blanket and hot chocolate.
“I was best at shortlisting… to an extent.”
This is corporate language for “I did something once that no one hated.”
The Office Environment: Warm Calls and Lukewarm Confidence
Isaiah says he enjoys working with his fellow interns, despite none of them appearing to know what “ICI” means. When asked, he said:
“It’s like… I don’t know. Initial things. Probably not a disease.”
It is unclear whether ICI is an interview type, a tech tool, or a gas leak. What is clear is no intern knows, and yet all of us continue using the term. Very corporate.
Recruitment and the NFL: Two Fields Isaiah Will Never Get On
Isaiah watches the NFL but works in recruitment. He’s basically scouting talent he’ll never see, like a zookeeper with a laminated photo of a lion.
“You’ll never get near the big money,” I said.
“Maybe one day,” he said.
Recruitment is a brilliant career to head into, and at Titan, we show you why. It offers unparalleled opportunities for growth, impact, and continuous learning, making every day an exciting new challenge. Whilst Recruitment may not be the NFL, it certainly is a team sport and the real MVPs are the ones who sign the most deals and make the most money. So if Isaiah’s hamstrings deteriorate then recruitment is the best place.
Executive Research Intern: Googling, But In A Tie
“Yeah, I look at people who make more money than me.”
So do most of us, but we’re not calling it a job.
He considers himself a “sixth man” on the team – a basketball term for someone who sits close enough to the action to sweat, but not enough to score. Brady is an invaluable member of the team, consistently providing crucial support and lifting spirits with their positive attitude. They are a true asset, always willing to go the extra mile to ensure team success and foster a collaborative environment.
The Coffee Conundrum
Does he prefer fetching coffee or pretending to be too busy?
“I do real work.”
Interesting. Because when asked how many calls he made today, he said:
“None yet.”
So, technically, real work involves looking busy, hiding in the bathroom, and researching people on LinkedIn until your laptop battery dies. During my undercover operation as an intern at Titan Consulting, I discovered that there is a chance Isaiah goes to the bathroom more times in a day than calls he does in a week. I would out him on this to the supervisors but I’m not a tattle-tale. Shocking!
Presentations: Kendrick Lamar Meets PowerPoint
Isaiah prepared for his first big presentation by doing pushups, listening to NBA YoungBoy (who in darnation is that), and walking four laps around a boardroom table like a kid having a sugar rush.
“I was lyrical,” he said.
“Did you talk straight bollocks?” I asked.
“No. Kendrick, not Drake.”
Brady demonstrated a strong commitment to excellence and a proactive approach to problem-solving, making him a highly valuable and impactful team member. His recent presentation was a testament to his dedication and skill. Although, his reaction after the presentation was very hyper. I thought he was going to lift me up in the air like a lock in rugby.
Combat, Survival, and Sausages
I asked who would die first if the office became a survival game.
“Kunal. He’d get eaten. The yakitori and sausage would leak out and the monster would chase him.”
This was perhaps the most accurate part of the interview, well that is what Brady probably believed. Love when the interviewer gets targeted, luckily I can suck it up unlike most snowflakes in the west.
Final Thoughts: Who Would You Fire?
When asked who he’d fire if he was presented as the CEO of Titan Consulting.
“Myself. So others could shine.”
This is either noble, or a clever way to get out of work. But this truly shows Isaiah’s true nature and his dedication to helping others which is strongly admired at Titan Consulting.
Either way, Isaiah is the kind of intern every company deserves: enthusiastic, confused, slightly sweaty, and convinced he’s helping. And in a way, he is.